Memory

I just read my previous post and smiled. That's why I started this blog. I found that I was no longer the master of my memory. Mainly I don't really remember much that has happened since I 'got sick'. So I'm glad I am recording my life...it helps me remember the good times - the times when I see God.

That makes the times when I don't so much see him a little easier to handle. Days like today. Unspeakable violence against baby kindergartners. A major 'career' shift. A day spent listening to moaning, crying, whimpering - and that was the adults! The kids weren't much better. Yes, I did hear the oh-so-common threat "I'm gonna get a chainsaw and cut your head off!"

Hmmm. This is a day best spent with a bottle of wine in one hand and the help wanted page in another.

cubesteak.com

This afternoon at work, my thoughts turned - as they often do - to what my dinner would be. Gluten free is a time consuming way to live. So ticking through the contents of my fridge, I remembered some cube steak I had purchased and frozen. I checked epicurious and found a few workable recipes but I wanted more. Turning to my fail safe, I googled cube steak and wahlah. Apparently there is a web site dedicated entirely to cube steak. I find it seriously crazy that I live in a world where someone makes a site about cube steak.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I've spent the weekend feeling somewhat discomfited. I am not someone who handles change well. In fact the only thing I handle worse than change is impending change. The feeling of not knowing what is coming is terrible but nowhere near as bad as knowing what is coming and having nothing to do about it.

And so I wait.

I'm the kind of weirdo that comforts themselves by pretending making a list gives them control. The number of lists that clutter my purses, car and bedside table is absurd. The strangest part is that once I've written them, I rarely refer back. My lists are written and then sent into the cosmic void.

I suppose this would all be forgivable if this made me a more productive person. I'm sad to admit it does nothing of the kind. I tend to act as though writing 'refill rx' is the same as making the call. If only 'find what's making the apartment smell weird' was wonderously accomplished once written. Alas, I tend to come home and collapse into the oblivian of my bed.

So at least I know some what these months of waiting for change will hold. While list-writing helps me maintain some semblance of sanity I am still left with the challenge of continuing my life when all I really want is to skip these next couple of months wrinkle in time style. For now my main task is not allowing myself to check out of life and miss the fun that this time has to offer. Much remains to be seen.

Getting ready for summer....oh wait next summer

Interfilière Fashion & Color Trends Summer 2010 from http://www.fashiontrendsetter.com

I found this color forecast over at fashion trendsetter. It is for Summer 2010 and I can't stop looking at the picture. Someone out their loves me so much they made a picture using almost all of the colors that most inspire me. Thankfully, as fashion trends have opened up and become so much less decentralized, these colors are 'popular' based on some report almost every season.

Dream of the Rood

Easter is not ham. It is not candy or bunnies or pretty dresses or eggs. Easter is a remembrance of Jesus' promise. For me it is a very sacred day to spend time meditating on Christ's sacrifice. I took a British Lit class my freshman year in college and this poem grabbed my soul. It is to me the essence of Easter.

The Dream of the Rood

Listen! The choicest of visions I wish to tell,
which came as a dream in middle-night,
after voice-bearers lay at rest.
It seemed that I saw a most wondrous tree
born aloft, wound round by light,5
brightest of beams. All was that beacon
sprinkled with gold. Gems stood
fair at earth's corners; there likewise five
shone on the shoulder-span [ 1 ]. All there beheld the Angel of God [ 2 ],
fair through predestiny [ 3 ]. Indeed, that was no wicked one's gallows,10
but holy souls beheld it there,
men over earth, and all this great creation.
Wondrous that victory-beam--and I stained with sins,
with wounds of disgrace. I saw glory's tree
honored with trappings, shining with joys,15
decked with gold; gems had
wrapped that forest tree worthily round.
Yet through that gold I clearly perceived
old strife of wretches [ 4 ], when first it began
to bleed on its right side. With sorrows most troubled,20
I feared that fair sight. I saw that doom-beacon [ 5 ]
turn trappings and hews: sometimes with water wet,
drenched with blood's going; sometimes with jewels decked.
But lying there long while, I,
troubled, beheld the Healer's tree,25
until I heard its fair voice.
Then best wood spoke these words:
"It was long since--I yet remember it--
that I was hewn at holt's end,
moved from my stem. Strong fiends seized me there,30
worked me for spectacle; cursèd ones lifted me [ 6 ].
On shoulders men bore me there, then fixed me on hill;
fiends enough fastened me. Then saw I mankind's Lord
come with great courage when he would mount on me.
Then dared I not against the Lord's word35
bend or break, when I saw earth's
fields shake. All fiends
I could have felled, but I stood fast.
The young hero stripped himself--he, God Almighty--
strong and stout-minded. He mounted high gallows,40
bold before many, when he would loose mankind.
I shook when that Man clasped me. I dared, still, not bow to earth,
fall to earth's fields, but had to stand fast.
Rood was I reared. I lifted a mighty King,
Lord of the heavens, dared not to bend.45
With dark nails they drove me through: on me those sores are seen,
open malice-wounds. I dared not scathe anyone.
They mocked us both, we two together [ 7 ]. All wet with blood I was,
poured out from that Man's side, after ghost he gave up.
Much have I born on that hill50
of fierce fate. I saw the God of hosts
harshly stretched out. Darknesses had
wound round with clouds the corpse of the Wielder,
bright radiance; a shadow went forth,
dark under heaven. All creation wept,55
King's fall lamented. Christ was on rood.
But there eager ones came from afar
to that noble one. I beheld all that.
Sore was I with sorrows distressed, yet I bent to men's hands,
with great zeal willing. They took there Almighty God,60
lifted him from that grim torment. Those warriors abandoned me
standing all blood-drenched, all wounded with arrows.
They laid there the limb-weary one, stood at his body's head;
beheld they there heaven's Lord, and he himself rested there,
worn from that great strife. Then they worked him an earth-house,65
men in the slayer's sight carved it from bright stone,
set in it the Wielder of Victories. Then they sang him a sorrow-song,
sad in the eventide, when they would go again
with grief from that great Lord. He rested there, with small company.
But we there lamenting a good while70
stood in our places after the warrior's cry
went up. Corpse grew cold,
fair life-dwelling. Then someone felled us
all to the earth. That was a dreadful fate!
Deep in a pit one delved us. Yet there Lord's thanes,75
friends, learned of me,. . . . . . . . . . .
adorned me with silver and gold.
Now you may know, loved man of mine,
what I, work of baleful ones, have endured
of sore sorrows. Now has the time come80
when they will honor me far and wide,
men over earth, and all this great creation,
will pray for themselves to this beacon. On me God's son
suffered awhile. Therefore I, glorious now,
rise under heaven, and I may heal85
any of those who will reverence me.
Once I became hardest of torments,
most loathly to men, before I for them,
voice-bearers, life's right way opened.
Indeed, Glory's Prince, Heaven's Protector,90
honored me, then, over holm-wood [ 8 ].
Thus he his mother, Mary herself,
Almighty God, for all men,
also has honored over all woman-kind.
Now I command you, loved man of mine,95
that you this seeing [ 9 ] tell unto men;
discover with words that it is glory's beam
which Almighty God suffered upon
for all mankind's manifold sins
and for the ancient ill-deeds of Adam.100
Death he tasted there, yet God rose again
by his great might, a help unto men.
He then rose to heaven. Again sets out hither
into this Middle-Earth, seeking mankind
on Doomsday, the Lord himself,105
Almighty God, and with him his angels,
when he will deem--he holds power of doom--
everyone here as he will have earned
for himself earlier in this brief life.
Nor may there be any unafraid110
for the words that the Wielder speaks.
He asks before multitudes where that one is
who for God's name would gladly taste
bitter death, as before he on beam did.
And they then are afraid, and few think115
what they can to Christ's question answer [ 10 ].
Nor need there then any be most afraid [ 11 ]
who ere in his breast bears finest of beacons;
but through that rood shall each soul
from the earth-way enter the kingdom,120
who with the Wielder thinks yet to dwell."
I prayed then to that beam with blithe mind,
great zeal, where I alone was
with small company [ 12 ]. My heart was
impelled on the forth-way, waited for in each125
longing-while. For me now life's hope:
that I may seek that victory-beam
alone more often than all men,
honor it well. My desire for that
is much in mind, and my hope of protection130
reverts to the rood. I have not now many
strong friends on this earth; they forth hence
have departed from world's joys, have sought themselves glory's King;
they live now in heaven with the High-Father,
dwell still in glory, and I for myself expect135
each of my days the time when the Lord's rood,
which I here on earth formerly saw,
from this loaned life will fetch me away
and bring me then where is much bliss,
joy in the heavens, where the Lord's folk140
is seated at feast, where is bliss everlasting;
and set me then where I after may
dwell in glory, well with those saints
delights to enjoy. May he be friend to me
who here on earth earlier died145
on that gallows-tree for mankind's sins.
He loosed us and life gave,
a heavenly home. Hope was renewed
with glory and gladness to those who there burning endured.
That Son was victory-fast [ 13 ] in that great venture,150
with might and good-speed [ 14 ], when he with many,
vast host of souls, came to God's kingdom,
One-Wielder Almighty: bliss to the angels
and all the saints--those who in heaven
dwelt long in glory--when their Wielder came,155
Almighty God, where his homeland was.

Translation copyright © 1982, Jonathan A. Glenn

And Now For My Newest Trick

Smiderman got in trouble this week and was sent to yellow chair. When she finally quieted down, I went to check behind the partition and this is what I found. Inside there she's saying "Cheese!"

Hazy Lazy Days

this chick musta been a teacher because this is my end of workday pose

Well, the weekend has come to a close and as I survey my apartment, I find little evidence that I made anything but a mess. Yes it is true, my apartment is tore up from the floor up and yet here I sit...writing a blog, installing the adobe creative suite on my new computer, watching the Tudors and coming up with more fun ideas for my new business venture. Oh and something in the living room smells. I suppose I aught to investigate but I'd really rather sit here and feel creative while Jonathan Reese Myers shows just how well equipped he is to play a lecherous, chauvinist, drunkard king. Awesomeness.

I think I came up with the name for my new business...Creative Parties by Denise. Simple and maybe a bit boring but I think it needs to be broad and communicate the service. More to come on that front.