Memory

I just read my previous post and smiled. That's why I started this blog. I found that I was no longer the master of my memory. Mainly I don't really remember much that has happened since I 'got sick'. So I'm glad I am recording my life...it helps me remember the good times - the times when I see God.

That makes the times when I don't so much see him a little easier to handle. Days like today. Unspeakable violence against baby kindergartners. A major 'career' shift. A day spent listening to moaning, crying, whimpering - and that was the adults! The kids weren't much better. Yes, I did hear the oh-so-common threat "I'm gonna get a chainsaw and cut your head off!"

Hmmm. This is a day best spent with a bottle of wine in one hand and the help wanted page in another.

cubesteak.com

This afternoon at work, my thoughts turned - as they often do - to what my dinner would be. Gluten free is a time consuming way to live. So ticking through the contents of my fridge, I remembered some cube steak I had purchased and frozen. I checked epicurious and found a few workable recipes but I wanted more. Turning to my fail safe, I googled cube steak and wahlah. Apparently there is a web site dedicated entirely to cube steak. I find it seriously crazy that I live in a world where someone makes a site about cube steak.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I've spent the weekend feeling somewhat discomfited. I am not someone who handles change well. In fact the only thing I handle worse than change is impending change. The feeling of not knowing what is coming is terrible but nowhere near as bad as knowing what is coming and having nothing to do about it.

And so I wait.

I'm the kind of weirdo that comforts themselves by pretending making a list gives them control. The number of lists that clutter my purses, car and bedside table is absurd. The strangest part is that once I've written them, I rarely refer back. My lists are written and then sent into the cosmic void.

I suppose this would all be forgivable if this made me a more productive person. I'm sad to admit it does nothing of the kind. I tend to act as though writing 'refill rx' is the same as making the call. If only 'find what's making the apartment smell weird' was wonderously accomplished once written. Alas, I tend to come home and collapse into the oblivian of my bed.

So at least I know some what these months of waiting for change will hold. While list-writing helps me maintain some semblance of sanity I am still left with the challenge of continuing my life when all I really want is to skip these next couple of months wrinkle in time style. For now my main task is not allowing myself to check out of life and miss the fun that this time has to offer. Much remains to be seen.

Getting ready for summer....oh wait next summer

Interfilière Fashion & Color Trends Summer 2010 from http://www.fashiontrendsetter.com

I found this color forecast over at fashion trendsetter. It is for Summer 2010 and I can't stop looking at the picture. Someone out their loves me so much they made a picture using almost all of the colors that most inspire me. Thankfully, as fashion trends have opened up and become so much less decentralized, these colors are 'popular' based on some report almost every season.

Dream of the Rood

Easter is not ham. It is not candy or bunnies or pretty dresses or eggs. Easter is a remembrance of Jesus' promise. For me it is a very sacred day to spend time meditating on Christ's sacrifice. I took a British Lit class my freshman year in college and this poem grabbed my soul. It is to me the essence of Easter.

The Dream of the Rood

Listen! The choicest of visions I wish to tell,
which came as a dream in middle-night,
after voice-bearers lay at rest.
It seemed that I saw a most wondrous tree
born aloft, wound round by light,5
brightest of beams. All was that beacon
sprinkled with gold. Gems stood
fair at earth's corners; there likewise five
shone on the shoulder-span [ 1 ]. All there beheld the Angel of God [ 2 ],
fair through predestiny [ 3 ]. Indeed, that was no wicked one's gallows,10
but holy souls beheld it there,
men over earth, and all this great creation.
Wondrous that victory-beam--and I stained with sins,
with wounds of disgrace. I saw glory's tree
honored with trappings, shining with joys,15
decked with gold; gems had
wrapped that forest tree worthily round.
Yet through that gold I clearly perceived
old strife of wretches [ 4 ], when first it began
to bleed on its right side. With sorrows most troubled,20
I feared that fair sight. I saw that doom-beacon [ 5 ]
turn trappings and hews: sometimes with water wet,
drenched with blood's going; sometimes with jewels decked.
But lying there long while, I,
troubled, beheld the Healer's tree,25
until I heard its fair voice.
Then best wood spoke these words:
"It was long since--I yet remember it--
that I was hewn at holt's end,
moved from my stem. Strong fiends seized me there,30
worked me for spectacle; cursèd ones lifted me [ 6 ].
On shoulders men bore me there, then fixed me on hill;
fiends enough fastened me. Then saw I mankind's Lord
come with great courage when he would mount on me.
Then dared I not against the Lord's word35
bend or break, when I saw earth's
fields shake. All fiends
I could have felled, but I stood fast.
The young hero stripped himself--he, God Almighty--
strong and stout-minded. He mounted high gallows,40
bold before many, when he would loose mankind.
I shook when that Man clasped me. I dared, still, not bow to earth,
fall to earth's fields, but had to stand fast.
Rood was I reared. I lifted a mighty King,
Lord of the heavens, dared not to bend.45
With dark nails they drove me through: on me those sores are seen,
open malice-wounds. I dared not scathe anyone.
They mocked us both, we two together [ 7 ]. All wet with blood I was,
poured out from that Man's side, after ghost he gave up.
Much have I born on that hill50
of fierce fate. I saw the God of hosts
harshly stretched out. Darknesses had
wound round with clouds the corpse of the Wielder,
bright radiance; a shadow went forth,
dark under heaven. All creation wept,55
King's fall lamented. Christ was on rood.
But there eager ones came from afar
to that noble one. I beheld all that.
Sore was I with sorrows distressed, yet I bent to men's hands,
with great zeal willing. They took there Almighty God,60
lifted him from that grim torment. Those warriors abandoned me
standing all blood-drenched, all wounded with arrows.
They laid there the limb-weary one, stood at his body's head;
beheld they there heaven's Lord, and he himself rested there,
worn from that great strife. Then they worked him an earth-house,65
men in the slayer's sight carved it from bright stone,
set in it the Wielder of Victories. Then they sang him a sorrow-song,
sad in the eventide, when they would go again
with grief from that great Lord. He rested there, with small company.
But we there lamenting a good while70
stood in our places after the warrior's cry
went up. Corpse grew cold,
fair life-dwelling. Then someone felled us
all to the earth. That was a dreadful fate!
Deep in a pit one delved us. Yet there Lord's thanes,75
friends, learned of me,. . . . . . . . . . .
adorned me with silver and gold.
Now you may know, loved man of mine,
what I, work of baleful ones, have endured
of sore sorrows. Now has the time come80
when they will honor me far and wide,
men over earth, and all this great creation,
will pray for themselves to this beacon. On me God's son
suffered awhile. Therefore I, glorious now,
rise under heaven, and I may heal85
any of those who will reverence me.
Once I became hardest of torments,
most loathly to men, before I for them,
voice-bearers, life's right way opened.
Indeed, Glory's Prince, Heaven's Protector,90
honored me, then, over holm-wood [ 8 ].
Thus he his mother, Mary herself,
Almighty God, for all men,
also has honored over all woman-kind.
Now I command you, loved man of mine,95
that you this seeing [ 9 ] tell unto men;
discover with words that it is glory's beam
which Almighty God suffered upon
for all mankind's manifold sins
and for the ancient ill-deeds of Adam.100
Death he tasted there, yet God rose again
by his great might, a help unto men.
He then rose to heaven. Again sets out hither
into this Middle-Earth, seeking mankind
on Doomsday, the Lord himself,105
Almighty God, and with him his angels,
when he will deem--he holds power of doom--
everyone here as he will have earned
for himself earlier in this brief life.
Nor may there be any unafraid110
for the words that the Wielder speaks.
He asks before multitudes where that one is
who for God's name would gladly taste
bitter death, as before he on beam did.
And they then are afraid, and few think115
what they can to Christ's question answer [ 10 ].
Nor need there then any be most afraid [ 11 ]
who ere in his breast bears finest of beacons;
but through that rood shall each soul
from the earth-way enter the kingdom,120
who with the Wielder thinks yet to dwell."
I prayed then to that beam with blithe mind,
great zeal, where I alone was
with small company [ 12 ]. My heart was
impelled on the forth-way, waited for in each125
longing-while. For me now life's hope:
that I may seek that victory-beam
alone more often than all men,
honor it well. My desire for that
is much in mind, and my hope of protection130
reverts to the rood. I have not now many
strong friends on this earth; they forth hence
have departed from world's joys, have sought themselves glory's King;
they live now in heaven with the High-Father,
dwell still in glory, and I for myself expect135
each of my days the time when the Lord's rood,
which I here on earth formerly saw,
from this loaned life will fetch me away
and bring me then where is much bliss,
joy in the heavens, where the Lord's folk140
is seated at feast, where is bliss everlasting;
and set me then where I after may
dwell in glory, well with those saints
delights to enjoy. May he be friend to me
who here on earth earlier died145
on that gallows-tree for mankind's sins.
He loosed us and life gave,
a heavenly home. Hope was renewed
with glory and gladness to those who there burning endured.
That Son was victory-fast [ 13 ] in that great venture,150
with might and good-speed [ 14 ], when he with many,
vast host of souls, came to God's kingdom,
One-Wielder Almighty: bliss to the angels
and all the saints--those who in heaven
dwelt long in glory--when their Wielder came,155
Almighty God, where his homeland was.

Translation copyright © 1982, Jonathan A. Glenn

And Now For My Newest Trick

Smiderman got in trouble this week and was sent to yellow chair. When she finally quieted down, I went to check behind the partition and this is what I found. Inside there she's saying "Cheese!"

Hazy Lazy Days

this chick musta been a teacher because this is my end of workday pose

Well, the weekend has come to a close and as I survey my apartment, I find little evidence that I made anything but a mess. Yes it is true, my apartment is tore up from the floor up and yet here I sit...writing a blog, installing the adobe creative suite on my new computer, watching the Tudors and coming up with more fun ideas for my new business venture. Oh and something in the living room smells. I suppose I aught to investigate but I'd really rather sit here and feel creative while Jonathan Reese Myers shows just how well equipped he is to play a lecherous, chauvinist, drunkard king. Awesomeness.

I think I came up with the name for my new business...Creative Parties by Denise. Simple and maybe a bit boring but I think it needs to be broad and communicate the service. More to come on that front.

Welcome to the Danger Zone

These past few weeks have been harrowing to say the least. Teaching in public schools is something like working in world-weird where you never know what challenge/sociopath will be thrown at you next. The hardest part is that teachers rights are non-existent which boils down to the fact that kids can hit, spit, curse and the like and we can....tell them that's a sad choice. Take that homicidal maniac. Thankfully I am not directly involved with the new Hannibal-esque student that just transferred in, but the strain on our staff is felt by many. I've been coming home and collapsing in a puddle. Being afraid for my life can be so exhausting.

One student who is my charge in the mornings, Little Copper, has taken a distinct disliking to me and I am greeted each morning by shin kicks, punches and cries for me to be fired. Ah well. That's one way to start the day. I tend to follow him languidly as he runs from me, I take long sips from my morning tea and make sure to keep him in eyesight but not to pushy about keeping him in kicking range. Hmmm. Not so sure I'll miss him and or his imaginary friends...especially not Hurricane Andrew.

My straight gig has been distracting me from my creative pursuits so right now I'm working double-time to prepare for my newest endeavor. My new venture is offering party 'entertainment' where I will teach kids (or of course adults). I'll teach things like screen printing, small sewing projects etc. My first party is for my youngest cousin's birthday party. I'm super excited and currently channeling my inner tween. I'm going to show the girls how to do screen printing. So now I need to go and watch High School Musical, read that Twilight book, write in my diary about how my parents are ruining my life and put on copious amounts of eyeliner. Yay.

Reality Trip

I went on 'vacation' last week to Colorado. I stayed in a cabin by Lake George on a mountain that set a up perfect view of Pikes Peak Now I do believe that concept behind a vacation is to 'vacate' your life - and the problems it holds. This little excursion was not so much a break from real life as much as running smack into it. However from pain often comes inspiration and I was able turn my reality check into some great hair accessories as well as some photos I'm pretty proud of.

I love this layered view of the mountains.

I like this little scene...oh and the little hut hiding behind the bridge and bushes was this super sketchy looking bathroom. I could have touched the roof and I'm only slightly over five feet. Tiny claustrophobic bathrooms give me more willies than there are words to say.

I love the shape of this bush/tree/thing.

I became minorly obsessed with these birch(?) trees and the intricacies of their branches.

Penny Pinching

Recent days have brought a harsh reality to the forefront of my mind. Living cheaply is called 'penny PINCHING' for a reason. Because it hurts. Don't be fooled by all of the optimists who go on tv shows say they live like kings on $25 dollars a month and never want for anything. Don't believe the scammers who say they only pay $2 for their $100 grocery bill because they clip coupons. These people are a) lying, b) on some sort of mind altering medication/drug or c) suffering from an as of yet undiagnosed psychological disorder.

I am not an optimist by any stretch of the imagination but I am also not a pessimist. I am (or at least believe my self to be) a realist. I'm not buying the 'it's fun to be cheap' mantra, but I also ignore those who go on tv and compare our great nation's recent economic slump to the 1930's. You know, back when people had to stand in long lines for rationed food, 1/4 of America was jobless and many were homeless.

However, what ever this is that we are going through, it's a little sucky and has brought 'penny pinching' into my life. As a recent college grad with a degree in an expendible field (fashion), I found that finding a job while most companies were looking to downsize was not what I had grown up expecting. I'm now working an extremely underpaying job and am forced to continue relying on my parents for some financial support. My dad is self-employed and his company is feeling the pinch as well which makes my inability to completely support myself all the more guilt-inducing.

As a child of North Dallas, I grew up used to the spending, the vacations, the general importance of the material. The 'pinch' I feel - while admittedly not earth shattering - is difficult to adjust to. As someone who likes to ease her inner tension with a little shopping spree, I've had to teach myself to leave the beautiful things on the shelf and simply enjoy what I've got. You'll notice me at the store. I'm the neurotic one picking things up and carrying them around with a distressed, twitching face before I eventually talk myself into putting the item back - on whatever shelf I'm standing by. I then hurry away as if running from a bad break up. Please be kind and keep a respectful distance.

The reality I'm coming to is that while living on a limited income is not fun - denying yourself rarely is - it's the attitude you choose that will make you content or miserable. For today, I'm choosing content.

Quantum Physics

Today I watched a man with a doctorate in quantum physics attempt to teach music to kindergartners. It made me feel smart. It made the children feel sleepy. Smiderman and Superfly were out of their minds with boredom and kept giving me looks that could only say, "Why do you hate us so much? I barely know my name and now I have to listen to this schmo wax poetic about the bassoon!?!?" I just smiled awkwardly at the sub and wondered what had gone so wrong in his life that he was now working as a substitute teacher.

Only a day and a half left until spring break and I couldn't be more excited. I think I'm going to Colorado and I'm certain that I'm going to be very productive. My new gluten free diet seems to be helping a lot with my pain and while it is (very) time consuming the rewards are greater than the sacrifices (California Pizza kitchen bread).

Now I need to go so I can turn off this creepy IFC movie and tuck myself into bed.

Eye Candy

I've been browsing my favorite store for some inspiration and found these amazing dresses. These silhouettes are so sixties (a.k.a. when I should have been alive) which makes me even more sure that Anthropologie is my soul mate. I love the bright colors and especially the use of orange.

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

----------------
Now playing: Hillsong Music Australia - From the Inside Out
via FoxyTunes

It crept up on me slowly but by Saturday afternoon it had taken root. Discontentment. I tend to maintain a decent perspective on life. I have my challenges but don't we all etc. But in the times I loose sight of that big picture, I have been known to have something of a shit fit.

I have always struggled with paralyzing anxiety and it a definite trigger is allowing discontentment to reign in my mind. As a recent college grad with a chronic illness, working in a very stressful job that is not exactly what I want to do for a career, looking at an ever-weakening economy and confronting the reality of having to be my own provider (i.e. single) - even as I type this my chest tightens - it is easy to feel overwhelmed, restless, self-pitying, anxious. Discontent.

As soon as I realized what was happening, I quickly snapped my laptop shut, turned off Lifetime, hopped out of bed - and back into reality. I cleaned my apartment and did some sewing. I ran errands and did laundry. Most importantly though, I went to church Sunday evening where I was reminded of the most important and wonderful reality of all. Yes I am a sinner. Yes I am powerless over sin. Yes I should be condemned to hell. Yes Jesus' blood wiped the slate clean!

Quickly the discontentment began to fade. I remember that fibromyalgia while painful, has not crippled me or shortened my life. I remember that while I cannot see my future, God can. I remember to be thankful for the job that I have and not frustrated it is not my 'ideal'. I remember that I am actually very pleased to be single and that I should enjoy the blessings of it (i.e. a queen bed to myself and no one second guessing my clothing purchases).

I think that the truth behind discontentment is that it is based entirely on falsehoods and false assumptions. Just because that grass looks greener from here doesn't mean that it is. That's not to say that I don't still struggle with envying my sisters who are married don't have the burden of providing for themselves. It doesn't mean that I don't envy those who do not have physical limitations and get to do things my body does not allow. It certainly doesn't mean that I don't have anxiety about the future...or more specifically my future. But when I do feel that tug in my chest I will pop on my ipod and listen to this song by Hillsong Unitedwe sang in church on Sunday, From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

The Perfect Saturday

My perfect day. New Toast catalog and the new Ricky Gervais audiobook. All that is needed for peace in the Middle East.

Girl's Not Grey

Girl's Not Grey - by Neesi on Polyvore.com


My most recent color obsession has been grey. Everyone who knows me knows this since I painted my living room grey, bought a grey couch, I make grey things, wathch Grey's Anatomy, buy grey things, love grey things. I'm not sure what it is...but it speaks to me. So I decided that my first polyvore set should be a tribute to my very special friend grey.

No Rest for the Awkward

The week is done and I am looking forward to a weekend of calming creativity. You know, there are only so many children's stories one can read before seeking solace in reality. I have recently become painfully aware of the fact that children's books are all written by people on some sort of a bad acid trip. Cows that want electric blankets, bears that lead a distinctly civilized life from their tree house and a monkey that has clearly been abducted by some creepo that always wears a banana explorers outfit. These are the stories our children grow up with. No wonder America is stupid.

I digress. I am feeling especially ready for some de-stressing and rest so I am spending my Friday evening listing in my head the things I want to do. Finish hair clips. Clean kitchen. Work on bags. Photograph etsy items. Do some laundry. Find that freaking debit card. Get haircut. Geez louise. I am now getting stressed out by my destressing.

Sip cosomo. Better.

Another sip. Breathing is back under control.

Without sounding like too much of a whiner...I have the worst life of anyone. Ever. Including Anne Frank. Ok but seriously, being an adult is a lot suckier than previously advertised. Ok so it may not have been advertised as awesome but at least it looked awesome. As far as I've found, it's mostly awkwardness and annoyance. Added to that is more awkwardness. Yes well, a long week is now over.

Cheers to a de-stressful weekend!

My Natural Selection

I was strolling through the isles of my local natural foods store feeling pretty happy with myself. Not only had I managed to muster the energy to get groceries, I was taking a step towards a healthier life by trying to eliminate gluten from my diet (ok so I totally cheated on Valentines). Fresh veggies? Check. Natural meat? Check. Bulk nuts? Check. 32 oz. vat of Dr. Pepper from the local Sonic? Oops. Well you know what they say...baby steps. I'm going to ignore the fact that the drink gracing the front of the cart was my second of the day. But what can I say - chasing around my kindergartners kind of shoots my wheels off.

Today I only had Superfly because Smiderman was out sick. Maybe it has something to do with the loads of candy she poured down her throat at the valentines party. My two are often sick and so it's not entirely unusual to be missing one. They love it when they're on their own. They seem to think the more attention the better. Superfly was very sassy today and did not take kindly to me holding out 'danna tanna' (Hanna Montana) as a treat. It's hard not to laugh when he gets saucy because he's so darn cute. If only he could kick his habit of peeing on me. Oh well. Maybe another day.

I found out today that I am getting a new 'morning duty'. Due to my inability to be outside in the cold cold mornings, my new charge will be to escort a young man to breakfast and to his classroom. What makes this an interesting assignment is that this kid hates me and has fired me on more than one occasion. He likes to curse and talk to his imaginary friends and oh yeah - he thinks he's a police officer and tries to arrest people and write them tickets. I can only imagine what these poor kids think. Little Copper got on my bad side when he went on a screaming tyrade at my little Superfly. He screamed, "Freeze! Put your hands where I can seem them! Freeze! Freeeeeeeze!" Poor Superfly just went catatonic and climbed me like a koala. No problem though. I like starting my day with a good dose of profanity and miranda.

Hip,Hip...Hip, Hip Hooray For President's Day

I wish that life was one long weekend but alas (who the freaking freak says that) it is not. I have sewn, photographed, created, slept and cooked. Sadly my weekend is over and tomorrow I must confront the realities of work. Saturday I slept in (late - don't care to admit how late) and cleaned a lot. Sunday a slept in again (I have fibromyalgia you know) and cleaned a bit more. I also worked on some flowers for Prude and Prudence. Yeah well. It may not have been much but it was as much as I could muster.

Today I (surprise surprise) I slept in again - and I will definitely lay blame on the fibromyalgia. I worked again on flowers and the like, as well as my bags. I say "my bags" because I feel a greater sense of ownership since that is not a colaborative effort. I spent time with my family and then triumphantly made mysef dinner -triumphant since I have recently (sort of) conquered cockroaches - and settled in for some tv viewing - House, hockey game, (ok ok...Secret Life of the American Teenager), etc. And then...bed. Oh glorious bed.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean

With my long weekend half over, I am pleased with my productivity thus far. I have enjoyed two great nights of uninterrupted sleep (no alarm clock is amazing). My mommy came over yesterday morning (well actually it was the afternoon but I had just woken up so it felt like morning). She brought me some beautiful potted tulips (and a starbucks card!) for Valentines. We curled up on my couch and talked for a while which was very refreshing after a stressful workweek. A girl needs to curl up with their mommy every once in a while.

After she left, I turned into a whirling dervish of cleaning. I must admit that for the past few weeks I've been living in something akin to squalor. And I do not say that lightly. With about fifteen old Dr. Peppers and piles of laundry, felt, trash, shoes and who knows what else piled on my floor, my room was somewhat impassible. After shamefully filling an entire trash bag with the piles of freaking trash I had in my room, I had to refuel so I went out to snag some DP. I am proud to say that the health and safety administration would no longer consider my bedroom and kitchen a health hazard. Today I plan to conquer my studio, bathroom and the living room.

In addition to my excavation efforts, I also spent some time creating new flowers for Prude and Prudence that I will hopefully be listing soon. I've got to sync my ipod so that I can have to new Ricky Gervais audiobook and walk around my apartment laughing like a bafoon.

Things I Learned in the Tornado

1. People that live in trailers are screwed and the weather chick doesn't care.
2. Most people die from flooding not wind damage.
3. Reunion Tower can withstand 120 mph winds.
4. Cover your head (but probably not with flood water as that may increase chances of death from flooding).
5. I should clean my tub.
6. Watching reporters standing in storms never gets less funny.
7. Tornado sirens have signaled an actual tornado exactly zero times in my life....the only time there was the tornado on my street the sirens did not go off.
8. Apparently there are a bunch of weirdos in Dallas that photograph bad weather and then send their pictures into the news station.
9. Tornado sirens aren't the most effective tool when you have to go outside to confirm that the strange siren-ish noise is in fact a tornado siren.
10. Apparently Pete the weather guy twitters....about weather....riveting I'm sure.

Just a Pinch

Well I woke up Saturday to some extreme pain in my back. I thought maybe I had slept wonky so I tried to stretch out the pain - and ended up stuck in a very awkward position. So it turns out that in fact I had a pinched nerve. So I spent my weekend laying in bed in the company of a heating pad.

Thanks to rest, Dr. Pepper and some flexoril the pain seems to be fading. I'm not sure what I'll do if I'm still in pain tomorrow since my job isn't forgiving on the body. Last night a friend asked if I was going out. I laughed and said "Oh sure I'm going clubbing." She encouraged me, "Oh come on! You could do the robot!" Yes I could. But that's about the most useful thing I'm capable of right now.

My Ship is Coming In

I have never been so excited! I was transitioning smoothly into weekend mode - which basically means a lot of work on etsy and the like -and was posting new items on etsy. I happened to go to Etsy home and noticed they had changed the 'handpicked items' section. Suddenly, it sunk in - Prude and Prudence was on the front page! I scrambled off my bed to alert my roommate.

Next, I ran to grab my phone so I could share the good news with my business partner, my sister Anna. We were both needing encouragement (she had an upsetting haircut experience and I with my endless foggy-headed forgetfulness) and this was an amazing boost for both of us. It's always good to know that someone other than you thinks you have a good idea.

Superfly Goes Red

Today was slow at work. With one student missing, I was able to do more one on one work with my little Superfly. We had a ball going on a hunt for 'A's throughout the building, reading books (and looking for A's) and perfecting dance moves. Like most people, Superfly loves to have his picture taken and especially enjoys belly laughing at himself upon viewing. Today, I think I got a picture that captures the essence of Superfly - a never ending ball of energy, giggles and hugs. Oh and dancing. Lots and lots of dancing.


Another interesting thing about work today was that it was 'Go Red' day. I'm well acquainted with this cause since I participated in an annual fashion show for when I was in school. I chose to wear a red knit top from Banana Republic and a red felt bow from Prude and Prudence. Here is what some other people chose to wear:

1. One individual decided 'Go Red' means go freaking ape sh*t and spray paint your hair red. There was paint dribbling down her face even in the morning and by the afternoon her face was literally covered with red paint...so were her hands. It gave new meaning to, "Jesus loves the little children...red and yellow, black and white..." I always wondered where these red and yellow people were.
2. Another individual wore a beautiful red punjabi - accessorized with a glittery,light up, heart necklace. Oh me oh my, your ugly necklace hurts my eye.
3. One lady made the unfortunate choice of red shirt, khaki pants. I hope she wasn't planning on going to Target on her way home. (Ok so maybe my year as a Target employee influenced my opinion just a hair)
4. Lastly, one girl wore a red tie front shrug, a red dress, red leggings and red shoes. But what bothered me was that none of it went together. It was mostly just a conglomeration of all of her red apparel.

In closing, the moral of this story is that dressing like a crazy tomato does not help heart disease. People suffering from heart disease do not need to be shocked by people's bad taste. If anything, it could give them a heart attack.

Sick Day

Well today I did...nothing. My fibromyalgia got the worst of me and I finally had to surrender to the pain. I slept for over fourteen hours and then proceeded to lay around and continue my day of rest. I watched a lot of bad tv and never even changed out of my pj's. Today was a peek into what I hope to be my future - a much slower paced, healthier and (hopefully) more creative way of spending my time. I didn't make anything, or draw anything or even find any new inspiration in the Real House Wives of Orange County marathon.

But simply sitting and staring out the window today has definitely reenergized me and motivated me to work hard for the future. I have hope.

Inspiration - Perspiration

Well, it was inevitable. The day was most certain to come. I had student poop their pants today. Ewww. Like beyond nauseating. I was unsure how I would react when confronted with this disgusting situation and today I found out. And the answer was - dizzying nausea. Oh and a lot of annoyance.

Anyways...I digress. My actual point is that I have been feeling very inspired by my job lately. That may sound a little more positive than I mean. What I am trying to say is that the weekends and evenings are far to short and the weekdays far to long. I feel so at peace when I am designing a flower headband or embroidering a bag. I so look forward to the day when my days are filled with designing, sewing, creativing (ok that's not a word).

Until then, I will tell my student that I forgive them for pooping their pants. I will smile as I watch my kids learn to spell their name or play 'weckers' (checkers). I will be annoyed by my co-workers (ok so that's not inspirational). In all - sort of - seriousness, I do try to find creative inspiration in my kids and my surroundings. I'll be honest - some days (poop days specifically) - are harder than others.

Working for the Weekend

Considering the strangeness of my week with all of the weather craziness, my weekend has been comfortingly peaceful. I did a lot of sleeping and resting which was great. I was also able to get a lot of work done which makes me very happy. I love the warm fuzzies I feel when I make pretty things.



Last night, I thought I was going over to Anna’s house for a belated birthday dinner. As it turns out, it was a surprise party! I’ve never had a surprise party before so that was very exciting. It was a Mama Mia themed party so we indulged in Greek food (and wine) and settled in for my 22nd viewing of the movie. It was a lot of fun and we sang like the imbibing fools we were. I have a notorious lack of musical talent so I’m sure I sounded amazing.

I am enjoying building an inventory in both of my Etsy shops. Prude and Prudence made its first sale this week which was very exciting. I can’t lie – I will definitely be happy when I can quit my ‘straight job’ and focus on more creative pursuits.

It is becoming increasingly apparent that I live in a parallel universe at work. On Friday I found myself hollering into a bathroom, “Hang up the phone and go to the bathroom now! I’m counting to ten!” As soon as the words left my mouth I realized how insane I sounded. The day before I apologized to a student for not being able to make a shirt out of two feet of string. Working with special ed students is difficult, rewarding – and often hilarious.

Snow Day, Snow Day, Yay No Work Today!

After serious thought, I have decided that I should get every Wednesday off work. I enjoyed the good fortune of an ‘ice day’ and let me just say – I am a fan. Winter is not my favorite season, however ice days might just change my mind.

I’ll admit that I spend a large part of my day of freedom sleeping. It was scrumptious. Everyone should be so lucky as to be given the gift of sleeping till noon every once in a while. I was however able to pull myself together enough by late afternoon to continue work on a bag I am making for my etsy shop.



I love working on these bags because it gives me the opportunity to return to hand sewing – one of my first loves. There is nothing more peaceful for me than working on a hand sewing project. I’ve started spending my lunch break sitting in my car embroidering. Schools tend to reverberate with the energy of the students, computers/tv’s and stressed out teachers. I love the stillness of my car.

I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t love working with kids. There are definite joys. Today I was sitting in guidance with one of my students. The counselor was teaching the kids about not being bossy to their friends and was reading the class a book about Franklin the turtle who is a bossy cad and annoys his other animal friends. A little girl raised her hand and proceeded to criticize in a serious tone, “Um…animals do NOT talk.” The counselor tried to explain that this was a book and it was pretend but she was not to be swayed. I think the lesson this little one learned today was not about being bossy but that her crazy counselor doesn’t know animals don’t talk. Kindergartners are great.

Now Presenting Prude and Prudence

This weekend my sister and I finally posted some items for sale on Etsy (Prude and Prudence) which is exciting. We’ve been working towards it for several months now so it is thrilling to see our hard work out for all to see. We make hair accessories right now. We’ve started with felt but plan to branch out in the future. It is fun to work with Anna because we have very different creative processes. As teenagers this tended to mean we both thought the other was crazy but as adults we have learned to appreciate each other’s differences – and to keep our face making in check.






I plan to soon put up some handbags in my own shop but I’ve got a little more work to do. My fingers are crossed that we have a snow day tomorrow and maybe I could get some work done – or maybe just sleep if I’m honest.

The Year Was 1985

I completed the twenty-fourth year of my life this week. Birthdays always make me more reflective and as I take stock of my life, it is honestly surprising. Where is my disposable income? My health? My naturally shiny brown hair (now going grey and thus not so natural)? Where are my vacations to sunny beaches and/or the Alps? Where is my moderately sized but beautifully decorated abode?

It’s been nine months since I graduated from college and unfortunately, the reality of supporting myself in the ‘real word’ is far less charming than it appeared in my head.

I tend to spend a lot of time in my head and I have become used to the blank/alarmed/confused stare I tend to receive from people when I reveal my thoughts. I remember telling my mom that I had always feared I was actually retarded and no one had the heart to tell me. My mom laughed. But I mean really…how am I to know if I’m retarded? I’ve only been in my head! It is probably a little self-centered of me to think that the world revolves so much around me that whispers of “She’s retarded but don’t tell her she’s retarded…pass it on” follow me everywhere.
Tonight as my best friend Cassie and I passed I hospital I mused, “Don’t you wonder how many people in there are dying right now?”

She was clearly disturbed by me.

It seems normal to me.

She did agree that no one at hospitals is nearly as attractive as tv portrays. But I secretly wonder if I just need to move to Seattle to find Dr. McMakeOutInTheCloset.
When I was in design school, I had a lot of plans and dreams. None of them included being a special education teaching assistant, living in an apartment that has roaches in the kitchen, sustaining life on peanut butter and honey sandwiches (to avoid the kitchen) and a steady stream of trash tv (to avoid thinking about the kitchen.

Don’t get me wrong. I am happy with my life’s direction – it’s the pace that sticks in my craw (or however that goes). Waiting to fulfill my dream of owning a prosperous (not to mention decadently gorgeous) store where I could be my own boss. That is my job description. Waiting. Boo ya. Patience is a virtue but no virtue of mine. It is a good thing then that God blessed me with the virtue of sarcasm and the ability to laugh at funerals (you know for when I lay to rest the idea that I have beautiful natural hair).

I am becoming convinced that something I had always believed to be bad karma is actually God placing crazy things/people and awkwardness in my life just to provide me with something to laugh at.

Example #1 – My neighbor who clearly suffers from some sort of weirdness disorder: I know very little about her except that she invited us to a funeral….for her squirrel. She is probably in her thirties and she can make me run up three flights of stairs simply out of my fear that she will want me to go into her little animal paradise which is something I do not want to endure – ever.

Example 2# - The assistant that I work with who while very sweet and loving towards the kids is also totally certifiable. Over the past few months of working with her she has suggested to me that the U.S. offer global health insurance without raising taxes. This leaves…..you guessed it – print more money to solve the health insurance crisis! She also casually asked me one day how many planets we have landed on. I looked at her blankly, my mind racing to figure out the appropriate expression/response. All I could muster was a smile.

Example 3# - I am the person that sits next to a family that breaks out into a fight (including food throwing) at a hockey game. I am the person who accidentally sits on the rotary cutter while in the middle of a time-crunched school project. I am the one who has neighbors that have some sort of a techno band.

As I begin my blog I have some goals for what I want it to be. Mostly, I want it to be an archive for me to remember this time in my life. I really want to write about my experiences as I jump off the college ship and swim (sometimes aimlessly) towards my future. My ultimate desire is that this would become a source of inspiration for myself – and hopefully others – as I have seen on other well-established blogs. I want to document the beauty I see in God’s creation as well as the beauty (and humor) I see in the life He has blessed me with.