Ch-ch-ch-changes

I've spent the weekend feeling somewhat discomfited. I am not someone who handles change well. In fact the only thing I handle worse than change is impending change. The feeling of not knowing what is coming is terrible but nowhere near as bad as knowing what is coming and having nothing to do about it.

And so I wait.

I'm the kind of weirdo that comforts themselves by pretending making a list gives them control. The number of lists that clutter my purses, car and bedside table is absurd. The strangest part is that once I've written them, I rarely refer back. My lists are written and then sent into the cosmic void.

I suppose this would all be forgivable if this made me a more productive person. I'm sad to admit it does nothing of the kind. I tend to act as though writing 'refill rx' is the same as making the call. If only 'find what's making the apartment smell weird' was wonderously accomplished once written. Alas, I tend to come home and collapse into the oblivian of my bed.

So at least I know some what these months of waiting for change will hold. While list-writing helps me maintain some semblance of sanity I am still left with the challenge of continuing my life when all I really want is to skip these next couple of months wrinkle in time style. For now my main task is not allowing myself to check out of life and miss the fun that this time has to offer. Much remains to be seen.